Danya♥ X

ruby with the eyes that sparkle...

i just feel so despairingly numb right now…

watching Cold Mountain right now, and i swear, i feel like i know how Ada feels… hopeless, but determined to keep the hope that her love will return to her…

sappy and depressing, yes… but unfortunately it’s been going through my mind all day, so i had to watch it…

besides, that’s what i’ve been feeling. so, yeah.

the past week has been super tough… finally met the german girl… and the worst thing that possibly could have happened… happened.

i found no reason to hate her, other than the fact that she’s taking todd away. it’s driving me insane.

it’d be so much easier to hate her if she’d given me attitude, or said somthing bad, or ANYTHING…

but i’ve got nothing to go on.

nothing at all.

and it’s killing me.

especially since every time i see todd, not only can i not help but think about all that we’ve done together, and all that they’re probably doing together, but there’s always that lingering glance, or that hidden caress that passes between us… i can’t help it, it just happens…

i want him to stay. i want her to leave, and i want him to stay.

but i know it’s not gonna happen… he’s got his heart set on berlin, and that’s where he’s going. maybe i’ll go visit sometime before he comes back, because i know he’ll come back eventually…

when is the hard part to figure out.

i haven’t cried for this long in a while…

but it seems like every hour or so, the tears just flow freely like rivers.

i want to get over him, but at the same time, i want to keep my hope that he’ll come back to me.

i’m selfish, and jealous, and silly, but i know it’s all because of him being the best thing to happen to me in a long time.

i’m not gonna wait, but my heart will…

like in Cold Mountain, i know even though the time he spends away will change him, and likewise i’ll change too… i’ll always remember him as he is now, and i’ll never lose my love for him.

i just hope he won’t forget about me…

Age of Innocence- Chapter 1: Run-in with Fate

Chapter 1:  Run-in with Fate

Patrick’s POV:

I leaned up against my locker, holding my backpack so close to my chest, I could feel my heart beat through the thick textbooks in my clutch. Passing period.

Lisa was rummaging through her own locker, in search of her History homework to no avail. I should have been stressing about the chapter test waiting for us in third period, but more pressing matters clouded my mind.

“He didn’t even look at me when we passed in the hall… I know he doesn’t want to spread rumors, but I can’t help but think… maybe he’s ashamed? Could it be that he’s embarrassed of me?”

“Or is he just a little too busy with school to notice?” Lisa replied.

“Pff… He doesn’t pay much attention to school… He’s just…” I sighed heavily.  “I don’t know what’s going on with him. All I want is some sort of acknowledgement that Saturday really happened, and I’m not crazy!”

Lisa gave me that look as she knelt down to search the bottom of her locker. The look that says “I know how you feel, I’ve gone through it, so I’ll be empathetic, but not sympathetic.” She can be such a bitch sometimes…

“Well, you haven’t even tried to talk to him since your date. I mean, you are calling it a date, right?” This was when I gave her one of my famous WHAT THE FUCK?? faces. “Ok, so you are. And don’t look at me like that… You look retarded when you make that face.”

“Yes, Lisa, I’m calling it a date. I mean, what else would you call it when two people go out to see a movie? And I mean, how could it not have been if he… god that kiss…” Closing my eyes, the memory flashing through my mind, I tilted my head back, hitting hard against the cold, metal door. “OW…”

Lisa looked up at me, snorting into locker. “Good job, Patrick.”

I rubbed the back of my head, my fingers lingering at the tiny patch of bald scalp. Grimacing, I let my hand fall down to my side, and I looked down at Lisa. “Thanks. You know, you shouldn’t spend too much time down there on your knees. People might start thinking that you’re used to it.” A triumphant smirk.

“AHA!” A bunch of papers in a clenched fist flew out of the locker, followed by the rest of Lisa, a broad smile gleaming. “I knew they were in here!” She stuffed the wad into her bag, and stood up with a bounce, slamming her locker shut.

“Congratulations. Now can we please get to class?” Did she not sense I was antsy to vacate the locker area before he showed up??

“Yes, impatient. We can go.” We started off towards Building-C, when Lisa suddenly whipped her bag around, digging through furiously. What more could I do but raise an eyebrow in curiosity?

“What are you—“

My question cut short by another obnoxious “AHA!” and a second later, a small black mass was being waved in front of my face.

“I got you a little something to cover up your bald spot!”

As I focused on whatever it was that Lisa was dangling in front of me, I suddenly became rather disoriented, probably due to an unexpected collision.

Stumbling back slightly, managing to bark out “Watch out!” my gaze snapped to the obstruction standing before me. FUCK!!!!!!!!

And there was Joe.

Joe’s POV:

I prefer to take things slow, and let life happen as it happens. I’ve never rushed anything in my life, especially at school, so my friends found it surprising that I all of a sudden had to rush to my locker after class. What can I say? I had places to be… people to see.

Looking at the clock on the wall, tapping my desk quietly, I pushed my chair back abruptly, the small group around me jumping slightly.

“Hey, Pete, I’ll be right back. I gotta run to my locker really quick…” I grabbed my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder as I dashed out the classroom door. I could barely hear Pete’s response: “Umm, okay? You’re gonna be late for class then… What’s up with—“

I didn’t bother listening to the rest of what he was saying to Travis. I didn’t have a lot of time to spare if I wanted to—

Fate is really a funny concept, but I think it may have been at work this particular day. Texting while rushing across the quad probably wasn’t the smartest thing I could have been doing at the time, but it hardly seemed to matter as I slammed into another fast-moving body, cell phone flying out of my hand onto a patch of grass.

When I looked up, I swear I felt my heart drop into my stomach and jump into my throat at the same time.

“Watch out!”

Every fiber of my being screamed at me to wipe away the smile that had spread across my face, and I wasn’t sure if he had noticed it, but I hid it quickly, regaining my cool composure.

“Hey, Patrick. What’s up?”

Patrick’s POV:

I couldn’t help but go completely stupid for the two seconds it took for Lisa to nudge me. When she did, I snapped back into reality, and realized that I much rather wanted to go back to my daze. At least in that state I wouldn’t have minded what came out of my mouth right then…

“Hey… Joe. I, uh… Hey. Just class now. You?”

I could have sworn I saw a smile. The same smile he’d given me on our date. The date I’d sworn had been a dream. My knees turned into Jell-o.

Joe’s POV:

His answer was interesting, to say the least. I couldn’t tell what was going through his mind right then, but I have to admit- I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying, so much as the lips that were saying them. Realizing I hadn’t given a response, I shook myself slightly, and gave an awkward smile.

“Just… going to my locker for something. You?”

Patrick’s friend Lisa snorted into her shoulder, stepping away. I was confused, until I realized what I’d just said.

“I’m… class…” He pointed off towards the building across campus, biting his lip. I silently prayed that he’d stop, even though I knew it wasn’t what I was really hoping for. Nodding slowly, I tongued my lip ring absently, pulling my backpack up further on my shoulder, the strap cutting into my neck slightly.

“Right… right. Well, uh…” I cleared my throat loudly, chastising myself silently for such a stupid remark. “I’m gonna get moving… Don’t wanna be late for class, right?”

Patrick’s POV:

I WAS DYING. Something inside of me wanted to laugh, something else wanted to just attack him. I wondered if Joe had thought about the kiss as much as I had…

“Right, Joe! So I guess we’ll see you later!” Lisa started pulling my arm slightly, bidding farewell against my deepest wishes. My brain was screaming in ESP to Lisa, in the hopes that she’d get the message. There was no such luck; I had no choice.

“Yeah, so… maybe we could… I dunno, hang out this weekend or something?”

I was startled by the words that had just come out of my mouth. A large knot formed in the pit of my gut, and along with the overwhelming need to swallow the hard lump in my throat, the tingly feeling I got every time he looked at me shot through my limbs.

He stood there for a second or two, apparently shocked at the fact that I’d just come out and asked him to… wait, I had just asked him to ‘hang out…’ FUCK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! With my luck, he probably took that as a sign that I wasn’t interested in him that way, which couldn’t possibly be farther from the truth! I scuffed my shoe across the concrete slowly, my hands burrowing in my pockets as far as they would reach.

Finally, he had an answer.

Joe’s POV:

Completely dumbfounded, I tried frantically to search for the words that could make or break the situation. I don’t know why it took so long, or why it was so difficult… perhaps it was just the slight shock of the fact that Patrick had just asked me out… He had just asked me out, right?

“Hang out” was the term he’d used… for all I knew, he wasn’t interested, and I’d scared him off with the kiss from Saturday. There was only one way I was going to find out.

“Well, there’s gonna be a live bands playing at that café in downtown… I mean, if you wanted to go check it out on Friday, that might be cool…” I waited patiently but anxiously for his answer, but when I saw the way his blue-green eyes lit up, and the tiny smile sneak out at the corners of his lips, I knew what his answer was. Grinning, I stepped to his side, touching his arm lightly. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

OMG WHAT THE FUCK... Bernie Mac DIED this morning... T_T

Another actor that i actually liked… gone… T_T

I took this from Yahoo! News…

Bernie Mac blended style, authority and a touch of self-aware bluster to make audiences laugh as well as connect with him. For Mac, who died Saturday at age 50, it was a winning mix, delivering him from a poor childhood to stardom as a standup comedian, in films including the casino heist caper “Ocean’s Eleven” and his acclaimed sitcom “The Bernie Mac Show.”

Though his comedy drew on tough experiences as a black man, he had mainstream appeal — befitting inspiration he found in a wide range of humorists: Harpo Marx as well as Moms Mabley; squeaky-clean Red Skelton, but also the raw Redd Foxx.

Mac died Saturday morning from complications due to pneumonia in a Chicago area hospital, his publicist, Danica Smith, said in a statement from Los Angeles. She said no other details were available.

“The world just got a little less funny,” said “Oceans” co-star George Clooney.

Don Cheadle, another member of the “Oceans” gang, concurred: “This is a very sad day for many of us who knew and loved Bernie. He brought so much joy to so many. He will be missed, but heaven just got funnier.”

Mac suffered from sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body’s organs, but had said the condition went into remission in 2005. He recently was hospitalized and treated for pneumonia, which his publicist said was not related to the disease.

Recently, Mac’s brand of comedy caught him flack when he was heckled during a surprise appearance at a July fundraiser for Democratic presidential candidate and fellow Chicagoan Barack Obama.

Toward the end of a 10-minute standup routine, Mac joked about menopause, sexual infidelity and promiscuity, and used occasional crude language. Obama took the stage about 15 minutes later, implored Mac to “clean up your act next time,” then let him off the hook, adding: “By the way, I’m just messing with you, man.”

Even so, Obama’s campaign later issued a rebuke, saying the senator “doesn’t condone these statements and believes what was said was inappropriate.”

But despite controversy or difficulties, in his words, Mac was always a performer.

“Wherever I am, I have to play,” he said in 2002. “I have to put on a good show.”

Mac worked his way to Hollywood success from an impoverished upbringing on Chicago’s South Side. He began doing standup as a child, telling jokes for spare change on subways, and his film career started with a small role as a club doorman in the Damon Wayans comedy “Mo’ Money” in 1992. In 1996, he appeared in the Spike Lee drama “Get on the Bus.”

He was one of “The Original Kings of Comedy” in the 2000 documentary of that title that brought a new generation of black standup comedy stars to a wider audience.

“The majority of his core fan base will remember that when they paid their money to see Bernie Mac … he gave them their money’s worth,” Steve Harvey, one of his co-stars in “Original Kings,” told CNN on Saturday.

Mac went on to star in the hugely popular “Ocean’s Eleven” franchise with Brad Pitt and George Clooney, playing a gaming-table dealer who was in on the heist. Carl Reiner, who also appeared in the “Ocean’s” films, said Saturday he was “in utter shock” because he thought Mac’s health was improving.

“He was just so alive,” Reiner said. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Mac and Ashton Kutcher topped the box office in 2005’s “Guess Who,” a comedy remake of the classic Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn drama “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?” Mac played the dad who’s shocked that his daughter is marrying a white man.

Mac also had starring roles in “Bad Santa,” “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” and “Transformers.”

But his career and comic identity were forged in television.

In the late 1990s, he had a recurring role in “Moesha,” the UPN network comedy starring pop star Brandy. The critical and popular acclaim came after he landed his own Fox television series “The Bernie Mac Show,” about a child-averse couple who suddenly are saddled with three children.

Mac mined laughs from the universal frustrations of parenting, often breaking the “fourth wall” to address the camera throughout the series that aired from 2001 to 2006. “C’mon, America,” implored Mac, in character as the put-upon dad. “When I say I wanna kill those kids, YOU know what I mean.”

The series won a Peabody Award in 2002, and Mac was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Emmy. In real life, he was “the king of his household” — very much like his character on that series, his daughter, Je’niece Childress, told The Associated Press on Saturday.

“But television handcuffs you, man,” he said in a 2001 Associated Press interview before the show had premiered. “Now everyone telling me what I CAN’T do, what I CAN say, what I SHOULD do, and asking, `Are blacks gonna be mad at you? Are whites gonna accept you?’”

He also was nominated for a Grammy award for best comedy album in 2001 along with his “The Original Kings of Comedy” co-stars Harvey, D.L. Hughley and Cedric The Entertainer.

Chicago music producer Carolyn Albritton said she was Bernie Mac’s first manager, having met him in 1991 at Chicago’s Cotton Club where she hosted an open-mike night. He was an immediate hit, Albritton said Saturday, and he asked her to help guide his career.

“From very early on I thought he was destined for success,” Albritton said. “He never lost track of where he came from, and he’d often use real life experiences, his family, his friends, in his routine. After he made it, he stayed a very humble man. His family was the most important thing in the world to him.”

In 2007, Mac told David Letterman on CBS’ “Late Show” that he planned to retire soon.

“I’m going to still do my producing, my films, but I want to enjoy my life a little bit,” Mac told Letterman. “I missed a lot of things, you know. I was a street performer for two years. I went into clubs in 1977.”

Mac was born Bernard Jeffrey McCullough on Oct. 5, 1957, in Chicago. He grew up on the city’s South Side, living with his mother and grandparents. His grandfather was the deacon of a Baptist church.

In his 2004 memoir, “Maybe You Never Cry Again,” Mac wrote about having a poor childhood — eating bologna for dinner — and a strict, no-nonsense upbringing.

“I came from a place where there wasn’t a lot of joy,” Mac told the AP in 2001. “I decided to try to make other people laugh when there wasn’t a lot of things to laugh about.”

Mac’s mother died of cancer when he was 16. In his book, Mac said she was a support for him and told him he would surprise everyone when he grew up.

“Woman believed in me,” he wrote. “She believed in me long before I believed.”

Mac’s death Saturday coincided with the annual Bud Billiken Parade in Chicago, a major event in the predominantly black South Side that the comedian had previously attended.

“It’s truly the passing of one of our favorite sons,” said Paula Robinson, president of the Black Metropolis National Heritage Area. “He was extremely innovative in putting his life experiences in comedic form and doing it without vulgarity.

“He was an ambassador of Chicago’s black community, and the national black community at large.”

dog whisperer

is a great show…

my aunt got mom and i into it.

right now we’re watching about a dog who’d been tied up by a cable for who knows how long, and even though his neck healed [it had been cut open by the cable], the psychological trauma was deep and scarring…

he’d bark at everyone passing by, and nobody wanted to adopt him…

i’d adopt him…

being through such a horrible experience is just… ugh… it makes me really hate human-kind.

how sick and disturbed and sad does a person have to be that they would treat a harmless, friendly, loving creature like that??

and the sick bitch only got a $500 fine and 6 months of probation…

that cunt should have gotten worse…

this poor puppy…

T_T

tonight i'm gonna give you all my love [in the back seat]

ok… so this is an issue that’s been burning out  my insides for sometime…
and no, i’m not talking about spicy food.


i’m talking about how people these days just don’t seem to value time anymore…
we waste it frivolously doing the stupidest shit, and when it comes time for really important things, we panic and stress out.

but more specifically, i’m talking about how people these days don’t take advantage of the time we have to go through a NORMAL courtship…
there’s so many people out there nowadays who meet somebody in a bar, or online, or at random places, they talk for a couple days and they’re going out, then after they’ve been going out for a couple months, there’s a proposal, and then sure enough, soon after, there a BABY before there’s even a wedding ceremony a month later!!

is humanity really supposed to be going at a living pace that’s THIS FAST?
because i was under the impression that life isn’t too short, but that life is the longest thing we have in this world…
seriously… slow your roll, people!!

i know more than a few people i knew in HIGH SCHOOL who either have gotten married, have had babies, or have done both!
COME ON PEOPLE…
some of you are barely legal to drink!!
and most of you AREN’T!!!!!

stop throwing away your lives at such an early time!
i know the whole “love” factor comes into play, but seriously… you know a person for a few months, or even a year… SO WHAT?
that doesn’t prove jack shit about what you really know about a person…
i know that i’m definately different when i’m around a guy i like than when i’m at home by myself, or hell, even hanging with my girls…
so how the hell are you supposed to know if that person you’re so in love with because they’re just perfect for you really IS perfect for you?
for all you know, they could be the polar opposite, but you won’t know a damn thing about it until they show their true colors…

think about it…

there’s so much emphasis on doing things for the moment, living in the moment, living life as it comes to you, but really? this isn’t the dark ages… this isn’t roman times… this is the 21st century. we’re not all going to die before out 30th birthday. you don’t have to pack EVERYTHING into your life at once!!

graduate high school, go to college, find a good job that makes you happy, meet someone you like, date for a couple months, be in a serious relationship for a couple years, get engaged, STAY ENGAGED for a couple years, and then, when you really and truely know that it’s what you want, THEN get married!! i mean, who’s to say that you’ll even want to get married by then? you may just want to stay engaged, or just stay in the relationship without getting married. check out what brad and angelina are doing. i mean, yes, they have had three kids together, and adopted a few as well, which is also going a little too quickly for my taste, but they’ve been together for a couple years now, and haven’t even been tempting the idea of an engagement. a little unorthodox, but it works for them.

another example… my aunt and her boyfriend. they’ve been together for years, and yeah, they’ve talked about marriage, but they’ve never done the whole engagement thing. they had a baby, which was a complete freak incident. they weren’t supposed to be able to have children [they were both victims of cancer who got better, so it was supposed to be impossible for them to get pregnant, but low and behold…] but because of that factor, my aunt knew that she was supposed to have this baby. and having my little cousin was probably the best thing that could have happened to them. [they gave her up for adoption to one of her friends from a long time ago. she just couldn’t keep the baby. it wasn’t right for her to keep it. the baby wasn’t meant for her.] but they’re still together, and they bought a house together, and fixed it up, and they know eachother inside and out. every attribute, every flaw. and they discovered that they’re perfect for eachother.

which actually brings up another thing in this whole matter…
doesn’t anybody know what a fucking condom is anymore???
i mean, they advertise them enough on TELEVISION now, shouldn’t people be using them??? they’re sort of pivotal in the whole… not getting pregnant before you’re ready thing, you know…

unfortunately, we live in a world where this kind of romance and “take it slow” attitude just doesn’t seem to be on everyone’s mind.
everyone has to have everything NOW. do it NOW. we need it NOW.
i mean, come on… everything joyous in the world has become an “express” now… food, coffee, books, car insurance [ok, so, not so joyous, but i digress…] weddings, babies!!

is it really that necessary that everything that we WANT [notice i don’t use the word need] is so readily available to just take at a moments notice?
sit down restaurants offer “to-go” service now… just order it in, pick it up, and you’re on your way. convenient, yes, but necessary? no.
how difficult is it to make food?
come on people… not that hard.

time is being squandered, and misused.
love is being squandered, and misused.
humanity is being squandered, and misused.


it’s making me sick and it’s making me sad.

it’s no wonder people in the united states are probably one of the unhappiest in the whole world…


well, that’s about all i have to say on that topic…
ok, not really, but i’d say i’ve spent enough of my precious time writing this.
i’m gonna go out and live my own life.
single, baby free, and perfectly happy to make my own pasta at home, sit down and eat it, and ponder what i’ll be doing in 20 years.


Rock for peace.


~Danya~

kiss me, kill me, till i bleed...

goddamn, travie, you post a TON of stuff up on here…

XD

anyways… in unrelated news, MY HAIR…

IT’S AWESOME.

oh yeah… oh yeah…

here it is.

oh yes.

amazingness it be.

boo-freakin-yah.

=]

~Danya~

there's a liiiiiight.. over at the frankenstein plaaace...

my parents make my head hurt SO BAD sometimes……

like, really…

Mom: yeah, that’s the girl that was in the Reaping, only she had blonde hair..

Dad: *ten minutes later* so that girl… was in the Reaping.

Mom: I just said that… she had blonde hair.

Dad: only in this movie, she has brown hair, and in The Reaping, she had blonde hair.

Me: *FACEPALM*

that was just…

quite possibly the STUPIDEST conversation i’ve ever heard my parents have…

i swear…

sometimes, they just make me want to punch babies…

or scoop out my brain through my ear with a spoon…

anyway, we’re watching Jumper, and i’m gonna have mom redo the blonde in my hair, so i’m about to get all smelly and stuff…

woOt.

rock for peace.

love and lingerie.

~Danya~

strawberry soda fields...

iiiiiiiiiii love strawberry soda.

more than any other kind of soda.

it’s just not your average flavor of soda.

it’s the best ever soda.

yeah, i know, i just ended all those sentences with soda…

… and that one too.

in unrelated news to the magicalness that is.. strawberry soda…

shut up. i know…

i need a massage.

badly.

my back is all kinds of fucked up…

massage and a chiropractor visit…

yes… that would be most excellent…

if only i had the money for it…

><

curse you poverty!!!

*sigh*

oh well.

so, auntie’s here!!! she got in on friday afternoon, and she’s here until sunday, so until then, i get to have my confidant back in the house so i can spill my innermost thoughts and secrets to her [because i simply can’t to my mother. i know, i’m almost 19, and i still can’t talk to her about most shit. it blows.] and of course, she’s fixing up the house again, because when she’s gone, the house goes to crap… partly my fault, as i do live here, but mainly not. i usually keep my stuff in or around my room. i mean, yes, sometimes i leave a lot of stuff downstairs in places, but i try to keep it to a minimum!!

so… yeah. now mom’s got her gardening to give the backyard some color…

mom should be fucking paying her… she’s using her for free labor, and allowing auntie to spend money we can’t afford to spend right now.

i love my family, but they’re so fucked up.

goddamn, i can’t wait to get the hell out of here.

ok. i get to go make banana bread now, and then jeremy’s gonna come kidnap me off to the beach.

schweetness.

up up and away!!!

~Danya~

i gotta...

be bad…

be bold…

be wiser…

be hard…

be tough…

be stronger…

be cool…

be calm…

stay together…

all i know, all i know…

love will save the day.

*sigh*

=]

~Danya~

VIVA LA FALL OUT BOY!!!!

HOLY CRAP TONIGHT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

yeah. went down to santa monica to take my part in standing for four hours at “pinkapalooza” [[victora’s secret bullshit… i dunno. i just wanted to see fall out boy…]]

AND THAT I DID!!!

fuckin’ front row…

almost against the gate…

touched fuckin’ pete wentz…

i know, i know… i’m 12.

SHUT UP.

it kinda wasn’t my fault, actually… he came to the barricade, and i was immediately crushed by about 24 screeching pre-teen females who were all trying to get a piece of the wentz.

i, caught in the crossfire, ended up touching pete, and accidentally sitting on the old lady who was [[stupidly]] sitting in a lawn chair right next to me…

but yes. pictures GALORE…

holy shit…

amazing.

i’ll post some of them later.

now i’m going to sleep…

because my neck hurts from thrashing with jewseph. =]

and seriously… wtf…

andy needs to be placed further downstage.

goddammit.

><

i love these guys…

ridiculously so…

OH… and pete’s baby mama was there too.

caught her on film.

SAY SHE WASN’T.

i have proof.

XD

haha

i wish i could have gotten some kind of souvenir though…

i mean, i got a wristband thing to get in, and some glowsticks, and then found a pretty cool towel [[which i’ll be washing in bleach and hydrogen peroxide before i ever use it… XP]] and i got one of the massive tarp things that were covering one of the gazebo’s… it’s massive, and pink, and i don’t know what i’m gonna do with it…

but it’s mine.

XD

but what i meant was like… a guitar pick or a set list, or one of hurley’s fucking DRUMSTICKS…

><

fucker always throws them at funky angles, and really far too…

oh well.

i’ll get one eventually.

=]

ok. it’s coming up on 1:45 now, and i may or may not be going to breakfast with jeremy in the morning…

so i’m gonna knock out.

rock for peace.

~Danya~

i fucked myself over... goodbye sanity.

yeah, never again am i gonna do anything that stupid and careless…

i hurt her, and myself in the process, and now i’m paying for it by having her pissed at me, probably having him pissed at me too now, and people who don’t even know it was about me being pissed at the nameless offender.

ugh…

i hate drama, and yet i cause so much of it.

wtf…

i’m gonna have to do some major repairs to my life if i want to get out of this alive.

i don’t even know why i did it…

maybe because i’ve been hurting for so long, i just wanted something to give me that tickly feeling again…

maybe because i’m just a selfish bitch, who knows…

but i do know that i’m not going to ever go after anyone a friend knows ever again.

i’m simply going to do whatever i can to fix things, and make them ok again.

or at the very least, as okay as they’ll ever be.

nic, i’m sorry… i am so sorry…

words can’t describe how fucked up it was that i did that.

i hope you can forgive me…

~Danya~

we got much further than i thought we'd get tonight...

holy… hell…

yeah, so i thought i was over it…

and i was for the most part.

but hanging out last night…

holy… hell.

that one moment was just…

fuckin’ a.

“you keep me coming back for more, and i feel a little better than i did before…”

goddamn.

this song is just… perfect for what i’m feeling right now.

if you don’t know what it is, it’s “if i never see your face again” by Maroon 5 feat. Rihanna.

hawt. shyte.

mos def.

i’m just gonna post my fucking playlist up here, so y’all can fuckin’ listen to what’s going through my head right now.

but not in this post…

i’ll make a different one.

yes.

being in love has never been more confusing, exciting, frightening, exhilarating, and comforting at the same time…

oyve…

*wipes sweat from brow*

good times.

definately good times.

and more to come.

X]

~Danya~